1st Californians: Heaven's Perspective on Being Single (ch 5-7)
Since I'm writing this blog primarily for Foundations students at Event Force, I want to start off by sharing a scribbled note from my own personal study Bible from when I was a student at the school myself years ago. It's next to 1 Corinthians 7:22 - "For he who is called in the Lord while a slave is the Lord's freedman." I wrote the following next to that verse: "Remember when you do event force - you are the Lord's freedman!" It's been awhile since I have actually worked an Event Force, but apparently the last time I did, it was pretty easy for me to liken myself to the "slaves" of Paul's day. So, Event Force slaves, take heart - in your hearts you are still free! They may give you long hours on your feet, and you may question your salvation as you find yourself annoyed with everyone around you, but just remember that you are free. ...At least that's what I told myself.
On my last blog, we left off at the end of chapter 4. Paul has just given the Corinthians a good verbal spanking, and for good reason. He's urging them toward the deeper life. He doesn't want them to be shallow, milk-drinking Christians forever (see 3:1-2). But as we discussed, he does so with a father's heart of pure love for them, not just to make them feel bad about themselves (4:14-15). They had not had many spiritual fathers in their lives who had really poured themselves out for them, and the apostle reminds them of his tender commitment to them.
In chapter 5 he begins to discuss a situation in their midst with them. A woman named Chloe from Corinth had informed him that there was a man who had slept with his step-mom, and everyone knew about it in the church! It is important to note that this man had not yet repented, and that is why Paul responds the way he does. There is indeed restoration for the contrite, no matter how grievous the sin is, but for the arrogant who brag about their lustful ways, oooohh, watch out! Paul reprimands the church sharply, explaining to them how harmful it will be for the whole group of them if this is not dealt with. I might add that part of our problem in the western church is that we, too, like the Corinthians, do not bring "family discipline" to the flagrant sin in our midst. We are much too concerned with achieving higher levels of church growth and competing with the church down the street.
He again addresses another issue in chapter 6, this time a problem of believers having irreconcilable disputes with one another. First of all, he was disappointed that they couldn't work things out among themselves (for as James says, such arguments arise because of the selfishness in our hearts. See James 4:1). Secondly, they were taking their disputes before unbelievers to find resolution, and this was totally harming their Christian witness before society.
In the second half of this chapter, the epistle writer reminds them that what they do with their body really matters. Why? Because we were created for the Lord. Why? Because we are a "temple of the Holy Spirit," and we bring His holiness and glory with us wherever we go. Could you imagine being involved in an immoral act, knowing consciously that the Creator of the Universe, the Holy One of Revelation 4, is dwelling inside you?? Binge drinking? Shamelessly overeating? We must get a new revelation of this in our journey towards purity, rather than simply seeking out a list of "do's" and "don'ts." Because what is "ok" as a Christian may be more about living in a way that pleases the Holy Spirit within you than it is about avoiding the "naughty list." More on this in chapter 8...
Now we come to some of the more controversial matters in chapter 7, and a subject that everyone thinks about pretty regularly: relationships with the opposite sex. Now, I have to warn you that this chapter is not "romantic," even in the way that we think inside the church. And the principles found therein are certainly counter to the culture. But remember that we have a culture very similar to that of Grecian Corinth, so what Paul has to say just might be very relevant.
A transition happens at the beginning of this chapter when he writes, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote" (v.1). He is switching from the reports he had heard from Chloe to a letter that had been given to him with various questions. These questions were about what was proper between a man and woman, in the marriage covenant and outside of it.
He first explains to them the practicality of being married (this is what I meant by not-so-romantic). In 7:1-5, he essentially says, "In a culture filled with sexual temptation, getting married can be a good way to curb your sexual appetite in an acceptable way." I know, shocking, right? I've never heard that sermon at church. And he goes on to say that married couples should be diligent to perform their "conjugal rights" so as also to reduce the temptation to fulfill their desires outside of the safety of marriage (you can look that up if you don't understand... Or ask Raymond).
The controversy continues. In verses 6-8, Paul expresses his desire that more people have the gift of celibacy! The word "gift" used here in verse 7 is important, because it requires a certain grace to remain single for the long haul, content in the Lord, pure, and productive for the Kingdom (yes, that is very possible). This was, in fact, Paul's testimony, and he was super stoked about it.
Jesus spoke about this "grace" in Matthew 19:11-12 - "But he said to them, 'Not everyone can receive this saying [about remaining single], but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.'" The third category of people who have decided to remain single "for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" are the ones that Paul speaks about, and of which he would consider himself. It is not the norm, to be sure, but it is something that is praised in the Scriptures.
That's where the "counter-cultural" part comes into play. Celibacy and long-term singleness is not praised in our Christian culture - it is considered a curse. I feel especially sorry for women in this respect. As the pursued, and not the pursuers, they have less of a choice as to whether they are single or not, and yet they are more shamed for their single-hood than men! (I know that determined celibacy is slightly different than long-term singleness, but the result is the same, so I'm merging the two ideas right now.) If only all the "match-makers" in church knew the harm they were doing. Every time they inform another young unmarried woman (or man) that they have found the perfect mate for them, they are subtly communicating to them that being single is not acceptable. The older the single person gets, the more urgent and worried these match-makers seem to be! The curse of being unmarried is trumpeted loud and clear through their impulsive actions.
But Paul was so excited about his calling to remain single. He even urged others towards it, trying to convince them of all the benefits!
Commentators on this chapter will take great pains to prove that Paul is not saying that singleness is better than marriage; it is just his preference. Marriage is certainly praised all throughout the Bible - it was even instituted before the Fall! So they may be making a good case. But in some ways I feel like they are missing the point of this chapter. In the culture of Corinth, and in the culture of America and even American churches today, singleness is so despised. Paul's great contribution is that he speaks into this environment by holding up the value of giving yourself totally to the Lord without distraction - even an acceptable distraction, such as pleasing your spouse.
Listen to this: "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Again, it would be ridiculous to say that something as beautiful and necessary as marriage is bad or worse or whatever, but Paul is pointing out some important realities, especially for those of us who have preconceived fantasies about what being married is like. When you get married, your life gets busier, and you have to think about more things than you do right now. It is, quite simply, harder to keep your first love for Jesus. I can't say I know that from experience, as I have never been married, but I can say that based on what the Scriptures say, and based on numerous testimonies I have heard from married people that love the Lord. Most of them would testify that they do not regret having married, but at the same time, they would confess that they did not realize marriage would be as hard, or as potentially distracting from their devotional life as it has been. So therefore, be forewarned.
On the other hand, how beautiful are these words from Paul! Unmarried men, able to give themselves fully to pleasing the Lord. And unmarried women, desiring to give themselves fully to being "holy in body and spirit." How precious these things are to the Lord! Perhaps we do not set them "above" the benefits of marriage, but certainly we should marvel at the "gift" that these things really are.
As Paul wrote to his beloved children in the faith, he had it on his heart to tell them not to despise something as precious as singleness and all the potential benefits for the kingdom that it entails. I think I have the same thing on my heart as I think about Foundations students.
You, Foundation-ite, are in a season of singleness. Yes, most of you will get married, and that is good. But don't let church culture rob you of the value of this moment in time. You are in an "undistracted" season, able to give all of your attention to Jesus, the One that will love you longer and better than any spouse of your dreams.
Don't waste it.
I know that when people like Jim Andersen come in and exalt marriage as the great victory and success story towards which we are all striving, it can be easy to start living there in your daydreams. But don't let even that godly vision rob you of what God wants to do now. Many of you need healing before you can even have a healthy marriage.
I know that spending all day everyday with a group of people your age that are opening up their hearts to God and to one another can be intensely distracting, and there's a constant temptation to wonder "What if..." "What did he mean by that text message?" "I wonder if he likes me." "Wow, she sure loves Jesus and has a sweet smile, I wonder if..."
Just stop all that crap. Really. Ninety percent of your crushes won't result in anything, statistically speaking. You are here at a discipleship school to get to know the One whom your heart loves, the One who rescued you from the pit, the One who gave you a hope and future. Your relationship with Him will last for eternity, and will forever grow and become more and more beautiful. Human marriage can be wonderful, but it is also temporary.
1 Corinthians 7 gives us an eternal picture, which is the bottom line of why it is so counter-cultural. We live in an "eat and drink, for tomorrow we die" society, and the Bible exhorts us to live for another age.
I will end this blog by quoting what I believe to be the heart of Paul's perspective from 1 Corinthians 7: "I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away" (v.26-31).
In our day, perhaps especially in the church, we get so focused on things that don't last forever. One of those things is marriage. Singles are obsessed with it. Married people are disappointed in it. But whether you are or aren't, the Scripture takes us higher: an eternal romance with our Lord. Base everything else in your life upon that relationship.
So singles, whether you are single by determination for the kingdom, or you simply haven't had the opportunity for marriage yet - rejoice! You are in a unique position to grow in your relationship with the Lord, and work towards the establishment of His kingdom here on earth.
For most of you, it will only last for a season, so don't take it for granted.
On my last blog, we left off at the end of chapter 4. Paul has just given the Corinthians a good verbal spanking, and for good reason. He's urging them toward the deeper life. He doesn't want them to be shallow, milk-drinking Christians forever (see 3:1-2). But as we discussed, he does so with a father's heart of pure love for them, not just to make them feel bad about themselves (4:14-15). They had not had many spiritual fathers in their lives who had really poured themselves out for them, and the apostle reminds them of his tender commitment to them.
In chapter 5 he begins to discuss a situation in their midst with them. A woman named Chloe from Corinth had informed him that there was a man who had slept with his step-mom, and everyone knew about it in the church! It is important to note that this man had not yet repented, and that is why Paul responds the way he does. There is indeed restoration for the contrite, no matter how grievous the sin is, but for the arrogant who brag about their lustful ways, oooohh, watch out! Paul reprimands the church sharply, explaining to them how harmful it will be for the whole group of them if this is not dealt with. I might add that part of our problem in the western church is that we, too, like the Corinthians, do not bring "family discipline" to the flagrant sin in our midst. We are much too concerned with achieving higher levels of church growth and competing with the church down the street.
He again addresses another issue in chapter 6, this time a problem of believers having irreconcilable disputes with one another. First of all, he was disappointed that they couldn't work things out among themselves (for as James says, such arguments arise because of the selfishness in our hearts. See James 4:1). Secondly, they were taking their disputes before unbelievers to find resolution, and this was totally harming their Christian witness before society.
In the second half of this chapter, the epistle writer reminds them that what they do with their body really matters. Why? Because we were created for the Lord. Why? Because we are a "temple of the Holy Spirit," and we bring His holiness and glory with us wherever we go. Could you imagine being involved in an immoral act, knowing consciously that the Creator of the Universe, the Holy One of Revelation 4, is dwelling inside you?? Binge drinking? Shamelessly overeating? We must get a new revelation of this in our journey towards purity, rather than simply seeking out a list of "do's" and "don'ts." Because what is "ok" as a Christian may be more about living in a way that pleases the Holy Spirit within you than it is about avoiding the "naughty list." More on this in chapter 8...
Now we come to some of the more controversial matters in chapter 7, and a subject that everyone thinks about pretty regularly: relationships with the opposite sex. Now, I have to warn you that this chapter is not "romantic," even in the way that we think inside the church. And the principles found therein are certainly counter to the culture. But remember that we have a culture very similar to that of Grecian Corinth, so what Paul has to say just might be very relevant.
A transition happens at the beginning of this chapter when he writes, "Now concerning the matters about which you wrote" (v.1). He is switching from the reports he had heard from Chloe to a letter that had been given to him with various questions. These questions were about what was proper between a man and woman, in the marriage covenant and outside of it.
He first explains to them the practicality of being married (this is what I meant by not-so-romantic). In 7:1-5, he essentially says, "In a culture filled with sexual temptation, getting married can be a good way to curb your sexual appetite in an acceptable way." I know, shocking, right? I've never heard that sermon at church. And he goes on to say that married couples should be diligent to perform their "conjugal rights" so as also to reduce the temptation to fulfill their desires outside of the safety of marriage (you can look that up if you don't understand... Or ask Raymond).
The controversy continues. In verses 6-8, Paul expresses his desire that more people have the gift of celibacy! The word "gift" used here in verse 7 is important, because it requires a certain grace to remain single for the long haul, content in the Lord, pure, and productive for the Kingdom (yes, that is very possible). This was, in fact, Paul's testimony, and he was super stoked about it.
Jesus spoke about this "grace" in Matthew 19:11-12 - "But he said to them, 'Not everyone can receive this saying [about remaining single], but only those to whom it is given. For there are eunuchs who have been so from birth, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by men, and there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. Let the one who is able to receive this receive it.'" The third category of people who have decided to remain single "for the sake of the kingdom of heaven" are the ones that Paul speaks about, and of which he would consider himself. It is not the norm, to be sure, but it is something that is praised in the Scriptures.
That's where the "counter-cultural" part comes into play. Celibacy and long-term singleness is not praised in our Christian culture - it is considered a curse. I feel especially sorry for women in this respect. As the pursued, and not the pursuers, they have less of a choice as to whether they are single or not, and yet they are more shamed for their single-hood than men! (I know that determined celibacy is slightly different than long-term singleness, but the result is the same, so I'm merging the two ideas right now.) If only all the "match-makers" in church knew the harm they were doing. Every time they inform another young unmarried woman (or man) that they have found the perfect mate for them, they are subtly communicating to them that being single is not acceptable. The older the single person gets, the more urgent and worried these match-makers seem to be! The curse of being unmarried is trumpeted loud and clear through their impulsive actions.
But Paul was so excited about his calling to remain single. He even urged others towards it, trying to convince them of all the benefits!
Commentators on this chapter will take great pains to prove that Paul is not saying that singleness is better than marriage; it is just his preference. Marriage is certainly praised all throughout the Bible - it was even instituted before the Fall! So they may be making a good case. But in some ways I feel like they are missing the point of this chapter. In the culture of Corinth, and in the culture of America and even American churches today, singleness is so despised. Paul's great contribution is that he speaks into this environment by holding up the value of giving yourself totally to the Lord without distraction - even an acceptable distraction, such as pleasing your spouse.
Listen to this: "I want you to be free from anxieties. The unmarried man is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to please the Lord. But the married man is anxious about worldly things, how to please his wife, and his interests are divided. And the unmarried or betrothed woman is anxious about the things of the Lord, how to be holy in body and spirit. But the married woman is anxious about worldly things, how to please her husband. I say this for your own benefit, not to lay restraint upon you, but to promote good order and to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord" (1 Corinthians 7:32-35).
Again, it would be ridiculous to say that something as beautiful and necessary as marriage is bad or worse or whatever, but Paul is pointing out some important realities, especially for those of us who have preconceived fantasies about what being married is like. When you get married, your life gets busier, and you have to think about more things than you do right now. It is, quite simply, harder to keep your first love for Jesus. I can't say I know that from experience, as I have never been married, but I can say that based on what the Scriptures say, and based on numerous testimonies I have heard from married people that love the Lord. Most of them would testify that they do not regret having married, but at the same time, they would confess that they did not realize marriage would be as hard, or as potentially distracting from their devotional life as it has been. So therefore, be forewarned.
On the other hand, how beautiful are these words from Paul! Unmarried men, able to give themselves fully to pleasing the Lord. And unmarried women, desiring to give themselves fully to being "holy in body and spirit." How precious these things are to the Lord! Perhaps we do not set them "above" the benefits of marriage, but certainly we should marvel at the "gift" that these things really are.
As Paul wrote to his beloved children in the faith, he had it on his heart to tell them not to despise something as precious as singleness and all the potential benefits for the kingdom that it entails. I think I have the same thing on my heart as I think about Foundations students.
You, Foundation-ite, are in a season of singleness. Yes, most of you will get married, and that is good. But don't let church culture rob you of the value of this moment in time. You are in an "undistracted" season, able to give all of your attention to Jesus, the One that will love you longer and better than any spouse of your dreams.
Don't waste it.
I know that when people like Jim Andersen come in and exalt marriage as the great victory and success story towards which we are all striving, it can be easy to start living there in your daydreams. But don't let even that godly vision rob you of what God wants to do now. Many of you need healing before you can even have a healthy marriage.
I know that spending all day everyday with a group of people your age that are opening up their hearts to God and to one another can be intensely distracting, and there's a constant temptation to wonder "What if..." "What did he mean by that text message?" "I wonder if he likes me." "Wow, she sure loves Jesus and has a sweet smile, I wonder if..."
Just stop all that crap. Really. Ninety percent of your crushes won't result in anything, statistically speaking. You are here at a discipleship school to get to know the One whom your heart loves, the One who rescued you from the pit, the One who gave you a hope and future. Your relationship with Him will last for eternity, and will forever grow and become more and more beautiful. Human marriage can be wonderful, but it is also temporary.
1 Corinthians 7 gives us an eternal picture, which is the bottom line of why it is so counter-cultural. We live in an "eat and drink, for tomorrow we die" society, and the Bible exhorts us to live for another age.
I will end this blog by quoting what I believe to be the heart of Paul's perspective from 1 Corinthians 7: "I think that in view of the present distress it is good for a person to remain as he is. Are you bound to a wife? Do not seek to be free. Are you free from a wife? Do not seek a wife. But if you do marry, you have not sinned, and if a betrothed woman marries, she has not sinned. Yet those who marry will have worldly troubles, and I would spare you that. This is what I mean, brothers: the appointed time has grown very short. From now on, let those who have wives live as though they had none, and those who mourn as though they were not mourning, and those who rejoice as though they were not rejoicing, and those who buy as though they had no goods, and those who deal with the world as though they had no dealings with it. For the present form of this world is passing away" (v.26-31).
In our day, perhaps especially in the church, we get so focused on things that don't last forever. One of those things is marriage. Singles are obsessed with it. Married people are disappointed in it. But whether you are or aren't, the Scripture takes us higher: an eternal romance with our Lord. Base everything else in your life upon that relationship.
So singles, whether you are single by determination for the kingdom, or you simply haven't had the opportunity for marriage yet - rejoice! You are in a unique position to grow in your relationship with the Lord, and work towards the establishment of His kingdom here on earth.
For most of you, it will only last for a season, so don't take it for granted.
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