Kansas City Chronicles - Day 5

Friday was the first day of IHOP’s Israel Mandate Conference. As I noted earlier, I picked this week to travel to Kansas City merely because of my personal schedule, but it soon seemed that the timing of it was sovereignly orchestrated. I continued to anticipate what God might have for me.

I was not disappointed the first session. I rested in the morning, then went by myself to listen to Dan Juster speak on “Israel and the Church” in the afternoon (Daniel was working with Lou Engle, his supervisor). To be blunt, Dan Juster is a pretty boring speaker. But he has incredible insight into the Bible and God’s purposes and heart for Israel. I tried to pay attention, but between the mental fogginess of this illness and the monotone nature of his speech, it was a hard task. Towards the end, though, he made a statement that temporarily lifted me up out of the haze and caught my attention: “We cannot comprehend the suffering that Israel has gone through.”

The concept stuck in my spirit. Israel, God’s chosen nation from four thousand years ago, has indeed experienced more tragedy and pain than perhaps any other people group since the beginning of time. Is this the way God treats His anointed ones? I felt a strange affinity with the Jewish people. Chosen for such a holy calling, to bear the Seed of the Messiah that would eventually save the nations of the world, but fallen so far from their glory. Bruised, battered, and even tortured by nations more wicked than themselves! (See Habakkuk 1:13) We know from the Word that God is just and merciful with His people (Romans 9:14-16), and that Israel will have their day of resurrection power once again (Romans 11:11), but the problem of their present pain and seeming abandonment from God still remains. As a whole, the nation rejected the very One that had come to save them, and now they are possibly the hardest people on earth to reach with the Gospel. How can we preach the message of Jesus to a people that are so embittered towards Christianity and are so wounded by their own past?

And in the midst of this train of thought, God spoke to me again with clarity.

A passage from Isaiah that I have been meditating on came to mind: “Since you were precious in My sight, you have been honored, and I have loved you; therefore I will give men for you, and people for your life” (Isaiah 43:4). In the verses above this one, God is encouraging Israel that He will be with them in their darkest hour (“When you pass through the waters, I will be with you…” – v. 2) He goes on to tell them how much He loves them. Whether they realize it or not, He loves them so much that He will give men for their lives. His extraordinary promise to the Jewish people is that He will raise up men and women that love them so much that they will literally risk their survival for them. People that will share the love of Jesus with them, and then prove that love by laying down their own lives for their protection and salvation.

I then thought of my own testimony from the past 10 months. In a way, God has given men for me in the midst of my own hour of darkness and pain. I remembered afternoons feeling so depressed and hopeless and then suddenly receiving a phone call from a friend, telling me that I was on their heart and that they wanted to pray for me. A woman that I hardly knew let me know that she was committing herself in intercession for my healing. I remembered my friend George letting me spend the night at his house for about 4 months in a row when my unexplainable symptoms began to mysteriously worsen, the anxiety attacks increased in intensity, and I grew afraid of being by myself. I remembered two of my dear friends from Southern California driving all the way to Visalia for the weekend just to pray for me. And more recently, I thought of the young men and women at the discipleship school that I attend that have been setting aside days to fast and pray for my healing. In a time where I feel like I have nothing to give to anyone, God seems to have put it in people’s hearts to give an abundance of love to me. In the middle of that afternoon session, my insides melted as I thought on these things.

Through this tender experience, God seemed to be saying, “I have never left you in your darkness, and I am proving this by giving men for your life. In your weakness, receive My love, even when it humbles you, even when it hurts. For the day is coming when you will get to pour out My love for others in the same way – you will give your life for the people that I love.”

This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. – John 15:12-13