Power in Weakness

One thing I am really taking away from this week is a refined focus concerning what God has called me to in the few years I have left before I meet Christ. The prayer of Ephesians 1:18 is that we would know the hope of His calling for our life. Well, if that calling is so hope-filled, what the heck is it? In the midst of the struggles of these past months I believe that I have inadvertently slipped into a false paradigm of what my life on earth is “supposed” to look like. My vision for God's fullness has been subtly reduced to getting by, surviving - just a few "deserved" comforts in a world full of pain. Unfortunately, in an attempt to comfort me in my miseries, many people have perpetuated these ideals. I’m here to be happy, healthy, successful, and see all my dreams come true…right? Well, sort of. There is truth in that statement, but for it to really match up with what the Bible actually says, there need to be some pretty weighty qualifications attached...

I felt extremely tender after seeing the vision of Jesus coming to free me from my prison cell of sickness and emotional turmoil. I was still under the impact of it, wiping the tears from my face, when the atmosphere of the service changed yet again. The musicians began to play and the silence was breached. Wes Hall announced, “Tonight is going to be an Isaiah 6 experience for many of you. If you feel called to any nation in Asia, come up to the altar now.” I thought, eh – not really. Sometimes I feel called to Israel…is that in Asia? I kind of just wanted to sit there and cry some more. I certainly felt more peaceful than I did an hour ago. Then Wes said, “…Or any Muslim nation.” As if by some invisible force that bypassed my cognitive processes and reached down into my spirit, I felt pulled to the front of the room. Without a second thought, I stood up with about 50 others and walked towards the stage. From the moment I planted my feet in the prayer line that reached from o...

The disciples waited ten days after Jesus ascended to heaven until the Spirit was poured out upon them at Pentecost. Saturday night, ten months after I started to experience the ominous symptoms of Lyme Disease, I experienced a Pentecost of my own. I spent the afternoon again at the conference sessions, this time with Daniel by my side. This time both of us struggled to pay attention, which made me feel a bit better about the previous afternoon. At one point I felt a vibration next to my thigh, signifying a new text message on my phone. It began, "This is the most boring sermon I have ever heard..." It was from Daniel. He was sitting next to me. I looked up at him and we both started quietly cracking up. That night I returned to the awakening service by myself. My symptoms had again intensified through the afternoon, and I arrived with pain in different parts in my body, a feeling of mental sluggishness, and just flat out fatigue. I struggled to find God in any way fo...

Friday was the first day of IHOP’s Israel Mandate Conference. As I noted earlier, I picked this week to travel to Kansas City merely because of my personal schedule, but it soon seemed that the timing of it was sovereignly orchestrated. I continued to anticipate what God might have for me. I was not disappointed the first session. I rested in the morning, then went by myself to listen to Dan Juster speak on “Israel and the Church” in the afternoon (Daniel was working with Lou Engle, his supervisor). To be blunt, Dan Juster is a pretty boring speaker. But he has incredible insight into the Bible and God’s purposes and heart for Israel. I tried to pay attention, but between the mental fogginess of this illness and the monotone nature of his speech, it was a hard task. Towards the end, though, he made a statement that temporarily lifted me up out of the haze and caught my attention: “We cannot comprehend the suffering that Israel has gone through.” The concept stuck in m...

Technically the fourth day of the trip started at midnight on Tuesday, and that is where my last blog left off. Daniel and I left the service and hurried to the car, trying to avoid as much of the sudden downpour as possible. He asked what had been going on with me for the past hour, and we began a conversation that lasted until 2:30 am. So much for catching up on some of the sleep I had lost. But I'd do it again if I had the chance. Daniel told me what he saw God doing in my life in the midst of this season. It was so insightful that, at one point, I remember wishing I was recording it. It reminded me of some of the talks I have had with June Ainley. He called this a "season of faith and endurance." He said that it was okay that I couldn't do all the things that I wanted to do, because God was teaching me something that would stick with me for the rest of my life - how to stand in simple faith when everything is falling apart around me, even my own body. He went on t...

Day 3 of my trip to the heartland of America. Day 1 in my actual destination: Grandview in Kansas City, Missouri. Because of the tornado ordeal, I finally went to bed at about 2:30 am that night. Daniel had picked me up at the airport, and we shared a happy hug and then fellowship on the way back to his house. About four hours into my sleep on the couch in the living room, I heard a small boyish voice ask, "Is Mr. Glenn here?" In truth, I was exhausted and annoyed, but its hard to stay that way for long around Samuel Katz, Daniel's two year old son. I did, however, manage to slip another two hours of frequently interrupted sleep into the morning. Upon finally awaking, I gave Samuel a "morning hug" and enjoyed a feast of a breakfast with the Katz family. Most of the afternoon was spent resting. Feeling more symptomatic than usual because of the previous day's events and a lack of sleep, I tried to concentrate long enough just to read a few chapters of the Bib...

So after noting my thoughts on the "peace that surpasses understanding" that I was experiencing, we made a quick layover in Denver for an hour, boarded the plane again...and then heard sirens going off. "Exit the plane as quickly as possible," we heard a voice over the loud speaker say - "there's a tornado coming." Now, I am a California boy, born and raised, and I don't know anything about tornadoes. I don't know if these sirens are a big deal or not. But the hurried pace of the other passengers and the cutting noise of the sirens themselves didn't cause me to imagine best case scenarios. My already erratic heartbeat shot up to a machine gun pace, and I filed out of the aircraft as obediently and quickly as possible, trying desperately to keep my cool. Hey, what happened to that "canopy of grace" that I was peacefully flying over a few minutes ago without a care in the world? With visuals of being stuck in Denver for days and sle...

I'm sitting in the second seat from the window on a plane on my way to Kansas City. As long as the woman next to me doesn't get the awkward idea that I am staring at her, I can look past her head and see the scenery outside. For the most part, clouds are the only thing visible as far as the eye can see. Every now and then the curtains of the misty white expanse will recede for just a moment and reveal a cross section of an earth-colored mountain range. I presume we are flying above Colorado right now, or at least near to it. I feel surprisingly peaceful. More than a week ago I was already enlisting friends and relatives to pray specifically for my time in the airplane. I've flown all over the country numerous times, and to Asia three times (one in which I flew back home to CA by myself), but since the onset of the symptoms of Lyme Disease last summer I've been experiencing heightened levels of anxiety and even panic attacks that have since made me leary of traveling lon...

Tonight I drove 3 hours from Visalia to Santa Monica to stay at my brother's house. After a short traveling reprieve and hopefully a good night's rest, tomorrow I will take a plane from LAX to one of the Mecca's of the worldwide prayer movement: the International House of Prayer in Kansas City. A friend of a friend is paying my way so I can receive prayer for healing. But this trip is about more than honoring the spiritual groundwork that has been laid at this ministry. I am on a search - a very personal quest. I picked this week because it fit into my schedule. But after the tickets were already purchased I noticed some funny things about the timing of this trip. A little more than 7 years ago I drove to Kansas City with a youth group from Visalia and came back a completely different person. I saw Jesus that week, and my life has never been the same since. Now, I return to my own personal Bethel of divine encounter with a thought to pour fresh oil upon the pillar of my mee...

I am attending a discipleship school part time right now. I've been through 2 years of this program under the leadership of Tim and June Ainley, but now I'm back again. Actually, I think I am on staff, but in my case that doesn't mean more than me showing up to school each morning for about 2 or 3 hours, or until I get too tired to listen or sit up anymore. However long I stay, it is an immense blessing just to be there. We're reading through the book of Mark now in our devotional times. Like a good staff member and scout, I have been reading it through ahead of time. I love this Gospel. And I'm falling in love with Jesus Christ again...the Man, Jesus Christ. He walked around Galilee, Jerusalem, and some surrounding Gentile regions for 3 1/2 years with power resting on His frame. He taught the the Word of God, and people were amazed. His simple stories about the Kingdom were easy to hear but contained vast depths of understanding. His standards of fie...

Let us...run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking unto Jesus, the author and finisher of our faith, who for the joy that was set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of the throne of God. Hebrews 12:1-1 A passing comment spoken tonight, one not even worth repeating, caused me to question the course my life has taken the past few years. Specifically, the way my life has gone since I have begun to really follow Jesus. I suddenly began to feel that I was very irrelevant to the world, boring amidst my friends, and even a spiritual failure in certain ways. What have I got to show for seven years of prayer, striving to live New Testament Christianity, and looking to the Word of God rather than the passions and trends of the people my age around me? Don't get me wrong, friends, I've made some pretty big mistakes the past few years, and I've done the above things poorly and inconsistently. But I know that I have giv...

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. - 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Purpose. It's important that you find it in the midst of suffering. Most of the past season of my life it has eluded me in the most frustrating way. Did God forget about me? Did the devil, or maybe just the plain wickedness of this world, slip one by Him and hit me right in the gut? Everything seemed to make sense until 6 months ago. Often I feel like I am on the sidelines of life; a broke-down car near a buzzing freeway. I watch as friends drive by in their swift convertibles, smiling at me, waving and wishing me to "get well soon." Friends falling in love, getting married, having babies. Churches growing, business deals swinging, school degrees earned and then utilized in successful job...

I feel ridiculously needy and am constantly asking for prayer and emotional support from friends. Those who understand Lyme know why that is. The frustrating thing about it is that most of the pain and imbalance occurs underneath the skin. Daily people exclaim to me with bright eyes, "My, you are looking better!" All the while, the symptoms continue and I must battle for peace and joy in the Holy Spirit each day. Medically speaking, the doctors don't know how long treatment will last. But I have promises from God that I will get totally better and go on to... Finish my Master's Degree, Play the drums with joy in the great assembly, Have a family, Write books, Teach, Prepare the next generation for the Return of Christ, Have the joy and peace of the Lord. I wait for the promises, and I daily wrestle with the darkness that seems to lurk about me at all moments of the day. I put all my Hope in God, nothing else will carry me through.